Zen Gesner

Two guys whose love lives are a wreck look forward to finding ladies on the high seas. Unfortunately, they've mistakenly been booked on a gay cruise.

After bowler Roy Munson swindles the wrong crowd and is left with a hook for a hand, he settles into impoverished obscurity. That is, until he uncovers the next big thing: an Amish kid named Ishmael. So, the corrupt and the hopelessly naive hit the circuit intent on settling an old score with Big Ern.

Rhode Island State Trooper Charlie Baileygates has a multiple personality disorder. One personality is crazy and aggressive, while the other is more friendly and laid back. Both of these personalities fall in love with the same woman named Irene after Charlie loses his medication.

Lloyd and Harry are two men whose stupidity is really indescribable. When Mary, a beautiful woman, loses an important suitcase with money before she leaves for Aspen, the two friends (who have found the suitcase) decide to return it to her. After some "adventures" they finally get to Aspen where, using the lost money they live it up and fight for Mary's heart.

After taking his dying father's advice, Hal dates only the embodiments of female physical perfection. But that all changes after Hal has an unexpected run-in with self-help guru Tony Robbins. Intrigued by Hal's shallowness, Robbins hypnotizes him into seeing the beauty that exists even in the least physically appealing women. Hal soon falls for Rosemary, but he doesn't realize that his gorgeous girlfriend is actually a 300-pound-not-so-hottie.